i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I have aggressive nipples.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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