She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
