it wasn't lemon gatorade
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
