U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
