You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I've blown a few things in my day
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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