physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
