I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
