Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
