Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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