I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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