Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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