I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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