No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
How naked do you want me to be?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize