Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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