Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
