mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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