wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize