if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
