The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
A+ Viking dick
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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