You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How naked do you want me to be?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
