guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm both gender and math confused
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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