I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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