And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
