You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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