i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
