your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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