She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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