He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
