i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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