How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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