i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
