oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
