Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
