Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
