My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
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she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize