i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml