Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
