The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.