I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
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I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
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Can vaginas get frostbite?
So much puke
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.