I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!