im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
