I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
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I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
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Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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