The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
