My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize