I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
