I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
