at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I understand Curling. That high.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
