You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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