Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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