DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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