Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
