yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
