Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
