In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I have post one night stand depression
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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