This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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