the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
