Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
