My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
