i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
