Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
