batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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