his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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