when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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