smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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