Barsexuality is the new black.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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