Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
