i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize