she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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