if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
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He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
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I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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