We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
