The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
