Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Why can't burritos get me drunk
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
