I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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