I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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