I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
