I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
