every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
