Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
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my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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