My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just google imaged poop.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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