bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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