My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
